offer it up

I am not a religious person.  When people of faith are faced with troubling times, they turn to that faith for support and guidance, which I have to say sometimes sounds kind of comforting but makes no sense to me.  I knew someone once who would “offer it up” when struggling with a decision or crossroads in her life.  She was putting it in God’s hands, I suppose.  Not my thing, but I can get behind the whole letting-go aspect of it.

Fortunately,  I haven’t been faced with many truly stressful times, compared with some folks.  No health issues to speak of, family intact (knock on wood), not raking in the dough but able to pay the bills (ok, that is sometimes stressful – we own a bar).   When those uncertain times and forks in the road do appear, I usually:  a) feel like vomiting, b) consider the options, c) gnash my teeth and d) dive on in.  There are a few times, however, when you can only do and control so much.  In that case,  I do “offer it up”.  Not to any God(s) – I just let go of all the unknowns and try to take some comfort in knowing I’ve done what can be done.  The rest is not up to me.  Is it cheesy to believe in fate?  Some would say that’s a cop-out,  I know.

We are currently waiting to hear from our landlord about extending the bar lease past 2020.  It’s been a week, with no word.  It is possible they will say no.  Then what? That is where the gnashing of teeth and urge to vomit kick in.  On to the Plan B-making.  The convincing The Geek that he DOES have worthwhile skills and can do anything he sets his mind to.  The potential freedom of not being the one in charge of 10 other peoples’ livelihoods.  Not being the one who gets the call from the alarm company at 3 am.  Or the loss of a place that has been home for 15 years, where we’ve met and worked with so many amazing people. The loss of the freedom to be our own boss, to pick the kids up early if we need to, to stay home when one is sick.

Given the choice I’d hope they sign it so we have some options, but I have “offered it up”.  I will no longer ask everyday “anything in the mail?” I will trust that what’s meant to be is what will happen.  Call it a cop-out if you want – I believe in the Force.

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