gin and girls

It’s been a rough couple weeks.  The kind where the stress starts to take you over, where it all adds up and you can’t quite get ahead.  Where there is a constant lump in your throat from things piling up and out, one after another.  Nothing devastating – my roof isn’t 10 miles out to sea.  Just the kind of thing where it turns out some people you may have thought were actually your friends, the kind you can count on, turn out not to be.  Where maybe they’ve changed without your noticing til it’s too late and now you’re in a pickle.  And maybe your car is making increasingly alarming noises and your furnace only works when it feels like it.  And maybe you’re not selling as much beer as you should be.

And then, when you aren’t so sure how much more you can take, that maybe you really have reached the limit, you have a gin and tonic with your girls.  There is talk and much laughter all around.  They are appalled and indignant on your behalf, and you on theirs.  The laughing frees the stress held in and the gin makes the burden lighter.  Nothing else has changed – the supposed “friends” make no effort to fix the mess and the car still makes the noises.  But when you get home, Glee is on.  Kurt and Blaine kiss and your son says something funny.  Two boys kissing is normal to him. There is nothing to explain.  It occurs to you briefly that you are relieved that he sees this in case he turns out to like boys.  You are grateful that your family is all in this room and healthy.

You realize that the stress sucks, yes.  But it is nothing that can’t be overcome, that all the big stuff is safe.  That the “friends”  have lost, not you, that your real friends are intact and priceless.  That cars and furnaces can be fixed.  That you are surrounded by things and people that matter. And that this too shall pass.

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8 thoughts on “gin and girls

  1. Huh – know that lump in the throat. And so glad to see your post, as I really, really look forward to them. I relate so well to what you’re expressing and miss those days of hanging out when the boys were little and we had no where to go.
    Hang in there – it’s soon to be Spring!

  2. Gosh, I thought I was the only one in that part of Stressville right now. Your recent experiences totally choked me up, right down to your thoughts about how lucky we are that our kids are going up knowing that boys kissing is normal and OK.

    Red wine (in my case) and girls always help. Hang in there, flowers are blooming, and you’ve clearly got so many true friends!

  3. “Two boys kissing is normal to him. There is nothing to explain.”

    This is so simple, but it really rings true to me. The best thing I think I’ve been able to impart to my kid, other than the fact that crazy is always cool, is the simple and understated fact that whomever you love is acceptable, and the days of looking cross-eyed and gigling are over. Forever.

    Your posts always move me, but this one made me think we were sittin’ together clinking drinks.

    -AMB

  4. Aw, what great comments to wake up to! Thanks for that. And I should mention the main reason the Boy Child thinks it’s normal is because some of our best friends “bat for the other team”, both girls and boys. But I love how Glee brings it even more home. Kurt’s dad is my hero. No doubt there is grade-school bullshit that goes on, but my kid at least knows it IS bullshit.

    Can’t wait for spring, when we can clink some real glasses outside! It’s been too long.

  5. I love this post. I’ve been there too, and there have been months when the only thing that could keep me from stewing in my own stress was a drink with a girlfriend. (Vodka, not Gin.) So many wonderful thoughts here….that you are stressed out because you are not selling enough beer. Few people have to worry about that. I love that you momentarily think about raising your son to be OK with men kissing just in case he is gay himself. I have those thoughts too. Just in case. I love how you keep your perspective. That can be the most difficult thing to do sometimes, and it helps to have friends to remind me. By the way, your garden photos are absolutely gorgeous!

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