filling up the cup

It’s no secret that this past year (and most of the one before) has been full of challenges, honestly the worst I’ve been through.  And yes, I know in the grand scheme of things that my worst years are nothing compared to some.  Believe me, I tell myself that almost daily.  Sometimes when it really sucks, when the cup is clear-through-to-China empty, I look around for things to fill it back up.

We’re at the point in our life when most of the people we know have careers and make money.  Actual money, enough to buy what they want and go places that require a passport, like grown ups.  Owning a bar is not a license to print money, no matter how glamorous most people seem to think it is.  It is freaking hard to make it work; frankly, it’s more like a public service to keep it open.  (Unless people think you’re closing, in which case you have your best month ever.)  I tell you this not for sympathy – I had my own little pity party last night.  Then I reminded myself that we’ve been here before, and we buckle down and SOMEHOW make it work.  It becomes all about the possibility.  We widen our gaze and find things to fix, new things to try, and thank our lucky stars that we HAVE something to make better.  And the cup starts filling up, inch by inch.  Not easy by a long shot, but possible.

Such stress makes it harder to appreciate the little things, but that’s when the little things count the most.  That’s when I have to step back and gather around me what makes me happy.  Into the cup, inch by inch.

  • my family is healthy, knock on wood.
  • my daughter is talking to me again.  Turns out showing her the blog I wrote on her birthday was all the convincing she needed that we love her as much as her brother.  Crisis averted (or maybe just postponed).
  • I bought Christmas lights for inside the house last night.  They are white and sparkly.
  • my silver christmas tree
  • I almost finished knitting a scarf.  For me.
  • my pinboards.  Full of pretty, tasty, funny.  Full of possibility.
  • friends.  Best ever.  Some I’ve been with longer than I lived at home.
  • Downtown Seattle at Christmas.  Food at the Market.  Window shopping.  Mini donuts.  3 Girls Bakery.  Beard Papa.  French Pantry. Also eating.
  • Cocktails
  • Christmas cookies.  And Christmas music.  I might be getting my Christmas mojo back.
  • my sewing machine.
  • wine by the fire when it’s raining buckets outside.
  • how happy Dean is with his new iTouch.
  • Stitch.  My sanity.
  • San Francisco.
  • NYC.
  • What I might do SOMEDAY.
  • Fitz and the Tantrums.  Sarah Vaughan.  Glee.
  • Mad Men.
  • The quilt I made that lays on the couch.
  • Jack.
  • My tattoos.
  • Words.

My bank account might not be as full as I’d like at the moment, but maybe it will be someday.  Right now, my cup is getting fuller by the minute.





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