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control

Posted on by Chris
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Here’s the thing, which will not come as a shock to anyone who knows me.

I am bossy. I like to control whatever I can.  Sometimes so that it gets done right.  Sometimes because someone needs a nudge. Sometimes because it is security.

But it doesn’t always work out well or as planned. And that is a problem. It is exhausting. Beyond stressful. So I have decided to let go of what is no longer possible to control. For my own sanity.

Living with a 14 year old is a constant struggle, I have discovered, in many ways. But the one that irks me the most is the complete and utter lack of academic motivation.  This is a new thing, within the last six months. I have tried many methods to make her see the light – coercion, bribery, guilt, reason. Nothing has worked, or worked for long. Assignments get done, but not turned in. Tests are taken with no apparent studying, judging by the results.  She went from straight A’s to probably being unable to graduate were this high school instead of middle school.  So upon today’s review of The Source, the website where parents and students can track grades, etc., I officially give up.

I have read that this is common for middle-schoolers, but it is no longer worth my time and mental health to continue to nag and berate her. This needs to be something that she decides is important. I will, however, remove phone and internet privileges until things improve. Clearly she needs that time for school work and this cannot be a pattern that continues into high school. Sigh. Deep breath.

I also worry a lot recently about business – things have been off to a slow start at the bar. Alarmingly so. There is not much I can do about this. I post to our Facebook page, I maintain the website, try to make sure customers have a good experience so they will come back, but really, I can’t MAKE someone go there. I have to let that worry go. But it is hard. That affects more than just me.  Things have started to improve recently and I’ve got all my fingers and toes crossed that it keeps up.  Deeper breaths.

By letting go of these things that are beyond me, I am hoping to have more mental space for things I can control. Like my house. Mentioned many times here as being a disaster zone.  THIS I can fix.

I can make that part of my life tidy and peaceful. I can have clean surfaces and drawers with things I need, not 10 year old bank statements and empty envelopes. I can have freshly painted walls. I can have a garage with a path through it and a plan for the future. I can offload boxes and bags of dead weight.

And then I will have time for things like sewing and canning and making. For peace. I cannot wait.

 

 

mid may 2012 garden pretties

Posted on by Chris
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I took a little tour of the “garden” yesterday. The Geek has been ON FIRE with cleaning up the front!

We’ve had some wacky weather of late – cold, a few days of really hot, and back to coldish. I am sure the plants have no idea what to make of it. I played around a little with the photos…

Trillium bought last year at the NW Perennial Alliance Sale

One two baby blue spruces for the backyard

Strawberry – maybe the birds won’t get them all this year!

“White Shooting Star” – dodecatheon dentatum

“Golden Alexandria” – fragaria vesca

raspberries!

Redtwig dogwood for the backyard

white columbine – the only good kind

Fingers crossed the tomatoes I planted somehow manage to survive this crazy May weather…

do over

Posted on by Chris
3

Maybe it’s the whole middle-aged thing (I’ll be 45 in August – probably half as old as I’ll live to be, given my genes) and some wishing for things, but I’ve been thinking about regrets a lot lately.

I’ve never trusted anyone who says they have “no regrets”. Really?! How can that be? How can anyone be so satisfied with every single decision they’ve ever made? It seems impossible. Clearly they are in denial is all I can think, and must have some doozy regrets.

I know I do. Big and small.

For one thing, I wish I had traveled when I had the chance, when we had money and pre-kids. I don’t even have a passport, for crying out loud. Were we so busy eating out and doing NOTHING that we didn’t think to GO somewhere? I should have followed Jay’s lead, who started traveling extensively starting on his 30th birthday. At this point, I think the only places he hasn’t been are the two Poles. It’s not like it’s too late to rectify the situation, but there are a few more obstacles now – namely kids and money. I will at least start with the passport.

Another whopper: college. Yes, I went, but I didn’t stick to the major I planned, which was education. I became a PR major. I have never worked in PR. I’ve had the same office job for 21 years now, largely because it’s easy and my schedule has moved with my kids. Now when I think of what changes I might make, it’s just too overwhelming to consider going back to school to become a teacher. I’ve looked into it but found nothing but full-time programs that take two years and cost beaucoup bucks. I think that ship has sailed.

I also wish we had bought a house in the early 90′s (see travel section for reasons why we didn’t.) I can remember looking in the paper and seeing Wallingford bungalows for $150K. It just wasn’t on our radar. Instead we bought in 2007, at the height of the market, and got a tiny house barely in the city limits. But at least it’s ours.

I miss some people from high school and college that I wish I had stayed in contact with.Yes, I suppose I might be able to find them on Facebook, but that seems kinda stalker-y at this point. What if they scratch their heads trying to figure out who I am? God knows I’d probably do that.

One thing I can’t decide if I regret or not: becoming a bar owner. At the time, it seemed like a good idea, and it’s given us lots of flexibility on the home front. But did we put enough thought into other options? I’d say no. And the stress of it is beginning to outweigh the advantages. I’m getting too old for this, I think.On the other hand, we’ve met some truly wonderful people through the Roanoke that I can’t imagine not knowing. This one is a tossup – it depends on the day you ask me.

Mixed in with that is regretting that I made most of the big decisions for the Geek, things that he should have decided for himself. I pushed him down the path we’re on, but what if it wasn’t the right one? What if he would have chosen differently. Yes, it’s easy to let someone else make the choices but that doesn’t mean they are always right. It weighs on me.

Not all of my regrets are heavy. I would take back that wedding dress choice in a heartbeat. Though to be fair, it was 1991 and choices were limited. Still! Those shoulders! I would have bought my last pair of jeans in a smaller size – I’m all for comfort, but these babies stretch! I would take some time to learn and plan my yard, instead of buying any little pretty thing.

To be clear, I don’t regret EVERY thing I’ve done. I still love my tattoos.I can’t believe we waited so long to get Jack.  Even though my kids and husband can drive me batty multiple times a day, none of the rest means a thing without them. The Geek is my best friend and partner. I am so proud of those damn kids even when they work my last nerve (a 15 minute shower?! Really?!)

I know it serves no purpose to look back and dwell on what might have been. But isn’t it useful to consider it going forward?

embracing my inner dane

Posted on by Chris
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Greetings, my long lost poppets! It seems so long since last we met.

Spring is afoot here finally. We actually enjoyed our pre-Easter dinner cocktails OUTSIDE, if you can believe it. In Seattle, that is a very uncommon state of affairs in early April.

And April marks another important date in this household. April 19th will make FIVE YEARS of home ownership AND the Girl Child will turn FOURTEEN.  Yes, this one.

Image

Anyway, back to the house. When we moved in (weird, I TOTALLY thought I did a post about what the house looked like when we bought it, but damned if I could find it. Will have to rectify.)  we painted the dingy main living areas a light blue. And while I still like that, some areas are looking a bit worn and could do with some freshening.  Also, I get bored easily and in a house this small, there aren’t a lot of options for furniture rearranging, so I play with curtains and pillows – easy stuff.

I’ve mostly been a mid-century girl these last few years (a long way from my Shabby Chic 90′s!) and am even more drawn to the crisp clean lines of white walls, with wood furniture and pops of color via textiles or art. Very Scandinavian, which makes sense given the big hunk of Danish blood I’ve got. :) A room like this for example.

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Source: Apartment Therapy

Granted, a lot of these types of rooms have white wood floors and I’m not about to do that. BUT I am planning to redo our blue walls a la Manhattan Nest’s brilliant Daniel. (BTW, LOVE his place. I think I have a little crush.)  So this..

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And this…

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will be white!  And the fireplace a slightly different shade perhaps, in a glossier finish.

No doubt the Geek is hyperventilating with panic right about now. Not to fret. The painting will me AFTER the garage is cleaned out and the house decluttered. The carrot to keep me moving forward on those unpleasant tasks. Swear!

If I don’t get totally burned out, I’ll even paint the kitchen cabinets a light gray and get that damn door fixed and trim painted.  And maybe even this for a certain 14-year-old.

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Source: Bolig

Big plans afoot, people!

2012 planty goodness

Posted on by Chris
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Yep, that time of year again, the current view out my window of torrential rain notwithstanding.  Here’s the Spring 2012 Plant Sale Roundup.

Early Bloomers

April 14

This is a smaller sale in the Arboretum with lots of interesting things.  Recommended.

Seattle Tilth Early Edibles

March 17

For those of you who are actually ready to put things in the ground and don’t plan to spend the day eating corned beef and drinking green beer, check this out.  The later sale is May 5 & 6, if you aren’t quite ready.

Northwest Perennial Alliance Sale

April 22

Lots of selection and unusual things here. I like. Not usually any edibles.

FlorAbundance

April 28 & 29

This one benefits the Arboretum, always a good cause.  In years past, it’s been held in a hangar at Magnuson Park. This year it will be at the Visitors’ Center in the Arboretum.  Hmm. I’ve been to the Early Bloomers sale there, which seems to attract a much smaller crowd, and it’s kind of a madhouse for parking. Be warned.

Master Gardener Foundation Sale

May 5 & 6

Yep, the king daddy.  This will be the 3rd year Carolyn and I (and now The Geek) have gone to the Preview Party they hold on Friday night (Assuming that is how she chooses to celebrate her birthday) – wine! appetizers! no crowds! best selection!  Highly recommend.  Tickets required for the Preview Party – usually through Brown Paper tickets online. Costs about $35 and worth every penny.

NOW.  To be honest, I’m not sure how many plants I will be buying. The front yard is chock a block with things I bought last year and just stuck in the ground.  The back yard is STILL a mess and a project in the making. We still haven’t put our shiny new conifers in the ground. I meant to go to Swanson’s sale and get a cherry espalier for against the back wall but I didn’t make it.

Pfft. Who am I kidding. I’ve got two beds and trough to fill at least!

the good fight

Posted on by Chris
11

I’ve written about the Boy Child here and here. He is now in the 5th grade and next year will be in middle school.

He’s never had it easy in school – it just doesn’t come as naturally to him as the Girl Child. It’s always a little bit harder, like it just doesn’t quite click.  The reading part has finally clicked, once he found the Warriors cat series. If I could hug Erin Hunter, I would. He reads for hours now. Without nagging.

He has a special love for cats. He desperately wants a cat, and that has been his motivator when it comes to homework. Considering we have this beast, we are trying to figure out ways to make this happen.

Sometimes, though, the cat is not enough. So we practice extra math online, hoping to increase math fact fluency. I think it is beginning to work, but time before middle school is running out, so we are doing a little tutoring once a week with a friend who is a teacher.  She can give me insight professionally – should I be worried about ADD or a  learning disability? She says it’s probably just a maturity thing, and to keep practicing.

The problem though is the tutoring. He thinks having a tutor makes him “dumb”.  We have gone round and round about this, me trying to explain he is plenty smart and lots of kid have tutors, even kids we know. I think he has come to accept our friend helping him, mostly because he thinks it will help him get a cat, but she can’t go on doing it forever.

So I found this place. It has a great reputation and can help him with writing too – another area he hates and struggles in. I told him about it last night, holding my breath. Explained it’s not like Sylvan or Kumon, which he thinks means you’re REALLY dumb (no, I don’t know why he thinks that).  Then we started his math homework – 10 story problems with fractions. He did great on 9 of them, and then lost it. Said he couldn’t do it, too hard, blah blah. Which was nonsense since it was exactly like the other 9 he did pretty easily. On and on like this for 15 minutes, til he broke his pencil in half. I took his paper and said that was enough and went to cook dinner.

Then the heartbreaker – he brings his “night night” into the kitchen and said he was throwing it in the trash. I said if he did that, it was going in the garbage. He did, and I did. Of course, I stashed it somewhere between the kitchen and the garbage can, but he didn’t know that. A long, bad, sad night. He has had “night night” since he was born and sleeps with it still. He wrote a note to it last night, about it serving him well and it was time to party ways. I cried.

This morning I wrote him a note. Explained that getting a tutor actually means you are smart enough to know you need help and care enough to get it. That all I want is for him to be able to do his best at whatever he chooses, and that means he needs to do extra work now. That getting mad solves nothing.  That I saved his night night and he can earn it back. That I love him very much.

We talked this morning, and he told me tutoring scares him. I know this. I told him he needs to think of the benefits and give it a chance, just like he did with our friend, which turned out to be not scary at all. That I will help him.

Getting over this hump will take hard work. He will need to fight for it, and right now he doesn’t want to.

But I do, and I will. All day. Every single day.

lentil stew

Posted on by Chris
4

The Geek has long sworn that lentils “taste like dirt”.  Apparently his mother cooked them a little too long – apologies to her if she ever reads this – and I have a feeling that is an understatement.

My mother never cooked lentils. In fact, I’m sure I’d never heard of them til well past college. I’d had a lentil soup or two and didn’t mind it though, and I recently made a sausage and lentil soup that was pretty tasty.

Tonight’s dinner was a lentil stew. And what follows is not a recipe, per se. More like a set of guidelines, so those of you who need precision will be aggravated. In any case, The Geek ate it willingly.

LENTIL STEW

1 bag of lentils (any sort will do)

1 pound of Italian sausage – spicy if you like

2 carrots, diced

half an onion, diced

spoonful of minced garlic

pinches of oregano and thyme

box of chicken broth

2 cans diced tomatoes

fresh baby spinach

Saute the sausage in a big pot or dutch oven til browned.  Add vegies, garlic, and spices.  Cook til softened, a few minutes.  Add lentils, stock and tomatoes. Bring to a boil and cover – turn to low heat.  Cook til lentils are softened – I’m guessing this was about 45 minutes?  If it gets too thick, you can add some water – I added a tomato can-ful since the lentils weren’t quite soft. When the lentils are soft, throw in as much spinach as you like, and stir a few minutes – it will soften in the heat. Season with salt and pepper as you wish.

Eat and enjoy with some crusty bread.

You can change this up with celery, maybe some red peppers, smoked sausage instead of Italian, zucchini. More broth if you want a soup.

yum

insanity

Posted on by Chris
9

They say that the definition of insanity is repeating the same actions over and over and expecting a different outcome each time. If that is the case, then I am certifiable. Well on my way to Crazytown.

Just as it’s hard to establish new habits, it’s damn near impossible to break bad ones. There has been ongoing “discussion” in our house about school work habits. One child who had it easy in elementary school and the first couple years of middle school is now finding that waiting til the last minute or not handing work in is no longer working. Despite repeated, painful attempts to encourage turning over a new leaf, we are constantly butting heads about something that seems so obvious. She is at a crossroads now – make a change or high school will be nothing but grief and wasted opportunity.

But here is the thing. I am no better – I have my own bad habits to break, my own actions that most often lead to bad outcomes, yet I continue to do them.  How can I expect my kid to see the light when I don’t?

I am tired. Tired of the piles because I didn’t put the laundry away. The dishes. The mail. Tired of wondering what’s for dinner because I couldn’t be bothered to make a plan. Tired of seeing my sewing machine sit in the middle of a pile, waiting for me to use it.  Tired of getting library overdue notices.

I know full well I need to take those books back – why don’t I? Why can’t I spend 30 minutes making menus? Culling my closet to make room to put those damn clothes away. Clearing my craft desk for actual CRAFTING.

I’ll tell you a big part of why. It’s the godforsaken Facebook.

It’s not that I am on it for long periods of time – it’s that I am on it frequently. And lately, the payoff is nothing but wasted time and grief. It does me no good to see what fun I’m missing because I’m highly offensive or someone is easily offended. I am sure my posts are not saving lives or even entertaining at this point. If I could get my photos off, I would just shut the whole mess down, but I can’t – I operate the bar page. And post links to this blog.

So. Using restraint I am nearly certain I don’t have, I will attempt to limit my Facebook time in the hopes my actions will start to have more favorable results. You nearly fell off your chair, I know.

I am hoping maybe this effort will even rub off on the kid – lead by example and all that. But if nothing else, by getting back to basics I will have time for de-piling, to devote to making things that make me happy like food and bags and a tidy house. I feel lighter already.

See, right now I’d pop in for a quick check. But I won’t. If you need to me reach me, email or text or leave a comment here. Be warned though – if you leave a comment on the FB Foible and Folly page, I might not see it for a while.

Insert smiley face.

three point two (or when monkeys flew out my butt)

Posted on by Chris
6

Brace yourselves, people.

The following announcement may set some of your worlds off-kilter, spinning crazily out of control.

I ran a 5K.  That’s right. 3.2 miles.

In all previous known history, my response to any suggestion of running as exercise would be, in the immortal words of Steve Sanders: “When monkeys fly out my butt”. But for some reason known only to god, I got it in my head to give the C2 5K thing a try, as first mentioned here.  It takes 9 weeks to complete it, and I have not done that yet. I still gave in to the Stitchers’ plea and signed up for the Valentines’ Love ‘em or Leave ‘em race that took place this past Saturday at Green Lake.

Given that I was only in week 5 of C2 5K and I hadn’t run longer than 5 minutes at a time, I was a little leery of attempting a 5K.  3.2 miles is a long way! I had no idea if I could do it. We lined up at the 11 minute/mile pace banner which put us just about in the middle of the crowd of 3,000.

Waiting for the gun

After the gun went off, we really didn’t move for a few minutes, waiting for the fast people to get going.  Then we started shuffling a bit and gaining momentum.  There seemed to be a wide variety of folks – a guy with a dog and a double stroller, an old guy running barefoot, and lots of people who walked the course. We were swept up in the crowd, everybody finding their pace. Luckily the group we were with seemed to be pretty right on in terms of speed – we were passed but we passed a few, too.

Now, my 5 minutes of straight running before this race would get me about half a mile before the program would say “walk”, and believe me, I was usually ready for it by that point. So I was surprised when I didn’t really feel the need to stop and catch my breath or rest my legs. I went TWO MILES before I stopped for a minute or two! Seriously!  Started up again and maybe went another half mile and stopped, at which point Danielle said I looked like I was going to throw up, but I felt fine – just needed to catch my breath for a minute or two. By that time, the finish was in sight and was a great motivator.

finishers!

It was quite a scene at the staging area – booths giving away swag, music blaring, some guy announcing stuff that we couldn’t hear. Lots of pink tutus, red and pink socks and beads. Thank god for Danielle and Carolyn or I would have been lost.

Official time: 33:30, or 154th out of 330 in my division. The female first place finisher did it in 17 minutes. Wow.

Sam and Lauren (who have actually done marathons) asked if I’d keep at it.  I have to say I am a little amazed that I did it, and aside from sore legs 2 days later, I feel pretty good.  I don’t see any marathons in my future, but I am considering the St. Paddy’s Day Dash…

And let me be clear, if I can do this, anyone can.

any given day

Posted on by Chris
4

On any given day for awhile now, I’d say I am 30% frustrated about something, 30% holding it together, 20% bored, 10%  productive, 9% discombobulated, and 1% waiting to win the lottery.

I’m pretty sure that’s not how it’s supposed to be on a daily basis. I’d like to be 50% content, 10% inspired, 30% productive and 10% glowing/looking 10 years younger. Mixed in with a little creative and rich.

Clearly, these ratios have to change or the result will be one unhappy girl. I don’t know if it’s a midlife thing or just plain inertia, but  I need to shake things up somehow.

I don’t see a new job in my future, because I don’t even know what that would be, and honestly, my schedule is pretty great. I get to be at home 3 days a week when the kids get home. So I will suck up the boredom here and look for ways to add something new.  The bar is my other job, and there are plans afoot there for some fresh ideas as well.

Really, I think it’s the routine that’s holding me back in the doldrums. So I need to mix that up where I can, even if it’s just little things. To make the ordinary original again.  Some new songs on iTunes. Reconsidering what’s in my closet, making new outfits out of old things. The shoes I got at the Rack today should make that easier.

The recent spate of sunny days has helped.  The days without clouds have been few and far between. I’m hoping exercise in the form of running 3 days a week is helping at least a little.  It’s certainly more active than I’ve ever been. Ever. I even signed up for a “fun run” after being coerced by my Stitchers. I get a number and everything! (There, look, a little excitement.)

Less time on the laptop and more time at the sewing machine is a big part of the plan to increase the inspiration/creativity account. I’ve got lots of great projects pinned and a boatload of fabric, so it’s time to get cracking. Bags and skirts, I think.

Progress on the home front would tip the productivity/contentment scales. We did visit a nursery last weekend and picked up some conifers to keep the momentum going in the backyard. Did some clean up in the front and even planted an oat/pea cover crop in the beds, though it may be a smidge too late for that. SO looking forward to outdoor happy hours.

Here’s the thing, though. Yeah, I’m not super excited about the state of things, but I’ve realized recently that I would say only a handful of people I know ARE satisfied with the state of their life. Most would change something pretty significant if they could. We ALL are just keeping it together, and if we’re lucky, helping each other along the way. God knows things would be even dimmer around here if not for a lot of people making me laugh and propping me up.

I hope you’ve got some people helping you muddle through. And on the days when things look especially bleak, I find chocolate is quite effective. Also, cocktails.

xoxo