waiting

It’s probably obvious by now, but I generally write whatever pops into my head on these pages. Mike asked once how long it takes to write a post. The truth is I sit down, usually having thought about something on the bus, and words come out. I might tweak one or two, but for the most part how it comes out is how you see it. I would say it takes between 10-20 minutes. Nothing fancy here, people.

This morning I was feeling panicked as I realized summer is nearly over, and it feels like we have done NOTHING. Partly because the weather sucked when the summer started, so no pool or lake days, no picnics. Then the sun came out, and we squeezed in a camping trip and one night at the lake. Managed a long weekend visiting Frantz Resort in Wenatchee.

But there has been no garage cleaning out. No yard fixing. No crafting. Only one BBQ. No canning. And here’s the rub. I cannot tell you why.

All around me via the lovely social media I read about fabulous trips and projects, see people having glorious adventures with their perfect lives. Can I be the only one with no mojo this year? Who can’t manage to find the secret button for success?

Even worse, it’s not just the summer that’s lacking. 2012 has been less than stellar as a whole. We’ve had low periods before, but they usually only last a few months at most. I don’t know what to make of this prolonged suckiness. It’s a hump I can’t see to get over, and it shades even the fun times.

Things have not been great economically – more drinking options and less spending money means people are going out less and spreading it out more. That unpredictability is not pleasant, for those who think owning a bar is glamorous and full of good times. I have to say that is a huge part of this blueness – it’s not fun having to say no. No to house projects, no to movie nights, no to trips, no, no, no. It’s certainly not how we expected the year to go. Hoping things get back on track soon is really all we can do.

This is the part where I say I’m focusing on the good things, the small joys, to find my mojo. I’m finding that harder and harder. And it makes me wonder if it’s gone – what if I used it all up.

I am actually looking forward to fall – new beginnings for the kids in new schools, cozy nights inside.  Maybe that’s what I need to shake things up. And I WILL shake things up in the house, come hell or high water – things will get done. (Was that a little spark of mojo…)

It always comes back to one thing. My family. And friends. Health. And yes, the rest has been not so great. But I have to believe it will get better, even though the waiting is killing me.

In the meantime, there is still time to squeeze in a few summery things – the blackberries are ripe at Magnuson, after all. And as usual, thanks for listening.

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