insanity

They say that the definition of insanity is repeating the same actions over and over and expecting a different outcome each time. If that is the case, then I am certifiable. Well on my way to Crazytown.

Just as it’s hard to establish new habits, it’s damn near impossible to break bad ones. There has been ongoing “discussion” in our house about school work habits. One child who had it easy in elementary school and the first couple years of middle school is now finding that waiting til the last minute or not handing work in is no longer working. Despite repeated, painful attempts to encourage turning over a new leaf, we are constantly butting heads about something that seems so obvious. She is at a crossroads now – make a change or high school will be nothing but grief and wasted opportunity.

But here is the thing. I am no better – I have my own bad habits to break, my own actions that most often lead to bad outcomes, yet I continue to do them.  How can I expect my kid to see the light when I don’t?

I am tired. Tired of the piles because I didn’t put the laundry away. The dishes. The mail. Tired of wondering what’s for dinner because I couldn’t be bothered to make a plan. Tired of seeing my sewing machine sit in the middle of a pile, waiting for me to use it.  Tired of getting library overdue notices.

I know full well I need to take those books back – why don’t I? Why can’t I spend 30 minutes making menus? Culling my closet to make room to put those damn clothes away. Clearing my craft desk for actual CRAFTING.

I’ll tell you a big part of why. It’s the godforsaken Facebook.

It’s not that I am on it for long periods of time – it’s that I am on it frequently. And lately, the payoff is nothing but wasted time and grief. It does me no good to see what fun I’m missing because I’m highly offensive or someone is easily offended. I am sure my posts are not saving lives or even entertaining at this point. If I could get my photos off, I would just shut the whole mess down, but I can’t – I operate the bar page. And post links to this blog.

So. Using restraint I am nearly certain I don’t have, I will attempt to limit my Facebook time in the hopes my actions will start to have more favorable results. You nearly fell off your chair, I know.

I am hoping maybe this effort will even rub off on the kid – lead by example and all that. But if nothing else, by getting back to basics I will have time for de-piling, to devote to making things that make me happy like food and bags and a tidy house. I feel lighter already.

See, right now I’d pop in for a quick check. But I won’t. If you need to me reach me, email or text or leave a comment here. Be warned though – if you leave a comment on the FB Foible and Folly page, I might not see it for a while.

Insert smiley face.

three point two (or when monkeys flew out my butt)

Brace yourselves, people.

The following announcement may set some of your worlds off-kilter, spinning crazily out of control.

I ran a 5K.  That’s right. 3.2 miles.

In all previous known history, my response to any suggestion of running as exercise would be, in the immortal words of Steve Sanders: “When monkeys fly out my butt”. But for some reason known only to god, I got it in my head to give the C2 5K thing a try, as first mentioned here.  It takes 9 weeks to complete it, and I have not done that yet. I still gave in to the Stitchers’ plea and signed up for the Valentines’ Love ‘em or Leave ‘em race that took place this past Saturday at Green Lake.

Given that I was only in week 5 of C2 5K and I hadn’t run longer than 5 minutes at a time, I was a little leery of attempting a 5K.  3.2 miles is a long way! I had no idea if I could do it. We lined up at the 11 minute/mile pace banner which put us just about in the middle of the crowd of 3,000.

Waiting for the gun

After the gun went off, we really didn’t move for a few minutes, waiting for the fast people to get going.  Then we started shuffling a bit and gaining momentum.  There seemed to be a wide variety of folks – a guy with a dog and a double stroller, an old guy running barefoot, and lots of people who walked the course. We were swept up in the crowd, everybody finding their pace. Luckily the group we were with seemed to be pretty right on in terms of speed – we were passed but we passed a few, too.

Now, my 5 minutes of straight running before this race would get me about half a mile before the program would say “walk”, and believe me, I was usually ready for it by that point. So I was surprised when I didn’t really feel the need to stop and catch my breath or rest my legs. I went TWO MILES before I stopped for a minute or two! Seriously!  Started up again and maybe went another half mile and stopped, at which point Danielle said I looked like I was going to throw up, but I felt fine – just needed to catch my breath for a minute or two. By that time, the finish was in sight and was a great motivator.

finishers!

It was quite a scene at the staging area – booths giving away swag, music blaring, some guy announcing stuff that we couldn’t hear. Lots of pink tutus, red and pink socks and beads. Thank god for Danielle and Carolyn or I would have been lost.

Official time: 33:30, or 154th out of 330 in my division. The female first place finisher did it in 17 minutes. Wow.

Sam and Lauren (who have actually done marathons) asked if I’d keep at it.  I have to say I am a little amazed that I did it, and aside from sore legs 2 days later, I feel pretty good.  I don’t see any marathons in my future, but I am considering the St. Paddy’s Day Dash…

And let me be clear, if I can do this, anyone can.

any given day

On any given day for awhile now, I’d say I am 30% frustrated about something, 30% holding it together, 20% bored, 10%  productive, 9% discombobulated, and 1% waiting to win the lottery.

I’m pretty sure that’s not how it’s supposed to be on a daily basis. I’d like to be 50% content, 10% inspired, 30% productive and 10% glowing/looking 10 years younger. Mixed in with a little creative and rich.

Clearly, these ratios have to change or the result will be one unhappy girl. I don’t know if it’s a midlife thing or just plain inertia, but  I need to shake things up somehow.

I don’t see a new job in my future, because I don’t even know what that would be, and honestly, my schedule is pretty great. I get to be at home 3 days a week when the kids get home. So I will suck up the boredom here and look for ways to add something new.  The bar is my other job, and there are plans afoot there for some fresh ideas as well.

Really, I think it’s the routine that’s holding me back in the doldrums. So I need to mix that up where I can, even if it’s just little things. To make the ordinary original again.  Some new songs on iTunes. Reconsidering what’s in my closet, making new outfits out of old things. The shoes I got at the Rack today should make that easier.

The recent spate of sunny days has helped.  The days without clouds have been few and far between. I’m hoping exercise in the form of running 3 days a week is helping at least a little.  It’s certainly more active than I’ve ever been. Ever. I even signed up for a “fun run” after being coerced by my Stitchers. I get a number and everything! (There, look, a little excitement.)

Less time on the laptop and more time at the sewing machine is a big part of the plan to increase the inspiration/creativity account. I’ve got lots of great projects pinned and a boatload of fabric, so it’s time to get cracking. Bags and skirts, I think.

Progress on the home front would tip the productivity/contentment scales. We did visit a nursery last weekend and picked up some conifers to keep the momentum going in the backyard. Did some clean up in the front and even planted an oat/pea cover crop in the beds, though it may be a smidge too late for that. SO looking forward to outdoor happy hours.

Here’s the thing, though. Yeah, I’m not super excited about the state of things, but I’ve realized recently that I would say only a handful of people I know ARE satisfied with the state of their life. Most would change something pretty significant if they could. We ALL are just keeping it together, and if we’re lucky, helping each other along the way. God knows things would be even dimmer around here if not for a lot of people making me laugh and propping me up.

I hope you’ve got some people helping you muddle through. And on the days when things look especially bleak, I find chocolate is quite effective. Also, cocktails.

xoxo